Would you want someone to feel sorry for you?

A young woman was telling me her husband has started to work away from home. They are concerned about the effect of his absence on the children. The oldest child is definitely much quieter than usual and needing lots of one to one attention. It was clear they were dealing with it as best they could and monitoring things on a weekly basis.

She also mentioned that her mum was feeling sorry for the kids. That stayed in my mind. I thought about the dad and the important position he had taken on and I thought of the three children. Those children have their mum’s and dad’s genes in them! They can be equal to the situation and rise to the change too. And isn’t it better to expect them to be equal to it rather than disempower them by feeling sorry for them?

Driving along this morning, it struck me that the same applies at work. If you are in a pressurised environment that’s challenging and tough, overwhelming even, would you rather feel able to rise to it or listen to someone sympathising with you and feeling your pain?

What if they pointed out your resourcefulness, your abilities, your ‘can do’ instead?

To rise to the challenge of change you must feel equal to the change. You can’t come at it from a place of ‘poor me, tis very tough’. It’s a state of mind. A choice you make once you’re aware.

Next time you see someone under pressure, what will you do?