It’s been a long time since I wrote. After my newsletter last March I had no more to say. It’s been disconcerting in some ways because literally, I had no words. So, I took my own advice and dug even deeper into my own personal and spiritual development and here I am again back to haunt ye (grin).
Trust starts with trusting yourself – do you trust yourself?
Client Jessica: (name changed) “I know I’ll just give them everything they want. I won’t be able to stop myself and I’ll be kicking myself afterwards. Anyway, I’m not sure I trust them.”
Jessica was half excited and half dreading a meeting with a company who were exploring hiring her for a project.
Jessica’s gift to business is finding and articulating clearly what their exact problem is and coming up with creative solutions. What takes other consultants weeks/months, Jessica can do in one or two conversations. It comes so naturally to her that she’s been giving her gift away and has not been paid properly.
What is the real issue here?
Jessica was uneasy because she couldn’t trust that she would be fair to herself. We discovered that her need for approval was at the root of it, sabotaging her interactions with others. If she felt any kind of reticence at all, she would give more and more and more.
At the end of the coaching session she had turned around her need for approval in this instance and felt much more confident she could trust herself at the meeting.
What do you mean in this instance?
“I need your approval” is a universal belief that runs under the surface for almost everyone and compromises personal and professional relationships.
For example, Karen was thinking about dating someone she liked.
“How do I know I can trust him?” she asked. “You can trust him to be exactly the way he is,” I said.
The question is, Karen, do you trust yourself with him?”
The same for Jessica. How does she know she can trust the company? She doesn’t. She can only keep trusting herself and take it from there.
When we need someone’s approval we cannot trust ourselves because we are not in charge… our need for approval is.
Do you find yourself wanting to please someone?
Putting on a performance?
Putting on a brave face?
Have you ever felt awful after a meeting or conversation with someone?
The key is to be aware and then choose for you. That way you can build more trust in yourself.
And if all fails and you find yourself on a slippery slope remember this, “Other people are not that powerful and you are not that weak!”
And if that’s not enough, give me a shout.
Enjoy your turkey and have a fabulous Christmas!
Here’s to a life enhancing year in 2014 and who knows, maybe I’ll be able to put a sentence or two together next year.